revision

Percy's paragraph

For the Description/Setting paragraph:

1. What are your favorite parts and why? 

many body gossips were discuss about him. Word gossips makes a sense that this artists has hard life

2. What parts are described vividly (you can really see what the writer is saying)?

talent artists. 

3. What parts are unclear or confusing?

The artists Is famous but no one knows his name is strange 

4. What parts are fine but maybe a little boring?

lack of information

5. Are there any words that are not the strongest and could be replaced with more interesting actions, nouns, or adjectives (ex: is/was, thing, good)? 

Word choice are good

6. Look at the photo of the card and try to see if there are any more details the writer can add.

he holds a key and bubbles out of his head. Maybe says the author always brainstorm a lot and he is trying to hide something

For the Plot/Story paragraph:

1. What are your favorite parts and why?

The artists' head is actually open is interesting and that position bring in fiction is funny.

2. What are some strong actions verbs used and what are some that are harder to visualize? 

shocked can change to astonish.

3. Is there a clear beginning, middle, and end? If not, how can this be improved?

It has a beginning, middle and end. Some actions can added when then housekeeper see the artists' head is open.

4. What is the climax of the story and is it interesting to you as a reader?

The housekeeper finds the artists' head is open. It's interesting as a reader.

5. What parts of the paragraph are unclear or confusing?

The plot not shows the artist is talented.

6. Look at the photo of the card and make some suggestions the writer can use to revise the story so it is more detailed and enjoyable to read.

put more attention on the key. The artists may want to hide his work, and then the housekeeper finds the work. For some reasons of the work, she decides to leave him

Percy's paragraph

John's paragraph

For the Description/Setting paragraph:

1. What are your favorite parts and why? 

Only color description not that interesting

2. What parts are described vividly (you can really see what the writer is saying)?

the chair is tall

3. What parts are unclear or confusing?

what the colors doing in setting

4. What parts are fine but maybe a little boring?

There are only a lot description makes it boring

5. Are there any words that are not the strongest and could be replaced with more interesting actions, nouns, or adjectives (ex: is/was, thing, good)? 

Words are fine 

6. Look at the photo of the card and try to see if there are any more details the writer can add.

More description about the string that control the wooden man

For the Plot/Story paragraph:

1. What are your favorite parts and why?

He kills his father and become a king. It's very impress that he kills his father because of desire the power

2. What are some strong actions verbs used and what are some that are harder to visualize? 

No confuses word

3. Is there a clear beginning, middle, and end? If not, how can this be improved?

It do not have clear beginning but clear middle and end. How description of the beginning, what is his father and how he kills his father

4. What is the climax of the story and is it interesting to you as a reader?

The climax is he kills his father and makes reader thinking about that ancient situation 

5. What parts of the paragraph are unclear or confusing?

More reasons about why he kills his father and how did he kills his father

6. Look at the photo of the card and make some suggestions the writer can use to revise the story so it is more detailed and enjoyable to read.

connecting more about the string that shows the main character is actually under control, but not like dominating the whole country.